There are moments in this journey of mine that are easy to talk about.

The courage. The fight. The gratitude.

There are also the quieter emotions that show up when the house is quiet. These emotions come when the appointments are over. They appear when the kids are asleep and when the thoughts get louder.

The moments when I wonder:

Am I doing enough? Am I giving my kids enough? Am I showing up enough? Am I strong enough?

Some days, this transplant journey makes me feel like I’m falling short. It happens in places I care about the most and with those I care about the most.

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The Invisible Pressure

Being a mom already comes with its own quiet (not so quiet) pressure.

We want to be present. We want to be strong. We want to be the one who holds everything together.

Now add on top of that:

Doctor appointments, hospital stays lab days, procedures, and fatigue that shows up without any warning.

Suddenly the calendar looks different. Energy looks different. Normal looks completely different.

There are days when I wish I could do more. Be more. Show up in every single way my heart wants to but physically can’t.

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The Lie That Sneaks In

When your body is fighting something bigger than you expected, it can start whispering lies. These can be so subtle you don’t recognize them. They can also be so loud it is all you hear. These lies go something like this:

That you’re not contributing enough. That you’re not present enough. That you’re not doing enough.

But here’s what I’m learning:

Doing your best during a dark season, no matter how little or much it is, is still doing enough. Fighting for your life so you can keep showing up for the people you love is not weakness! It’s one of the strongest things a person can do.

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What My Kids Actually See

I sometimes worry about the things I can’t do.

The practices and games I have and will eventually miss. The days I have to rest. The times my schedule shifts because of Mayo appointments or procedures with no notice.

But when I really stop and think about it, I realize something important. My kids are seeing something bigger than perfection.

They’re seeing resilience. They’re seeing courage. They’re seeing what it looks like to face something scary and keep going anyway. They’re learning that strength doesn’t mean pretending everything is easy. It means continuing to love, show up, and fight even when life is complicated.

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Redefining “Enough”

Maybe being “enough” doesn’t mean doing everything.

Maybe it means:

Being present in the moments that matter.
Choosing love over frustration.
Choosing hope over fear.
Choosing gratitude even when life feels heavy.

Maybe being enough means showing our kids what perseverance looks like. Maybe it means teaching them that life will bring hard times, but those times don’t define who we are.

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The Truth I’m Holding Onto

The truth is- this journey brings a whirlwind of emotions.

Fear
Strength
Gratitude
Frustration
Hope
Exhaustion
Love

Sometimes all in the same day. But none of those emotions mean I’m not enough-

They mean I’m human! They mean I’m trying. They mean I’m still here, still loving, still fighting.

And maybe that’s the most powerful example I can give my kids!

Because even on the days when I question myself… Even on the days when I feel like I’m falling short… I’m still showing up!

Still loving them with everything I have. Still believing in tomorrow.

Through all of it—through every doubt, every fear, every small victory— the beat goes on.